Its 3.30AM here.

And I’m still up, waiting for a video to upload to Youtube while browsing for potential trailer music to use for one of my IEM videos.

Of the ones I’ve listened to tonight there was one particular composer who stood out – and for good reason. They actually do this for TV and movies and the like. Welp! I probably can’t ask to borrow their work for a Youtube clip then.

My next options – and what I should have gone to first – are my go to Royalty-Free-Music on Youtube and various other websites. Using these songs ensures the videos I put up later, and potentially want to monetise, won’t be shut down by an irate musician/composer who believes I’ve stolen their work. Fair enough!

In addition to framing in my head the potential scenes to be shot, choosing a song is the most important first step. I do all my editing to the song, so picking one that helps me tell the story is quite essential. I have to be mindful of its length versus how much footage I hope to get, its beginning, middle, end. Does it build up slowly and end with a bang? Or is it red hot the whole way through with no real deviation?

Late night musings. Or should I say, early morning musings.

Nietzsche

I took Modern Architectural Theory this semester. There was no choice on the matter, it was compulsory. As someone who has never paid attention to or really understood anything too theoretical in basis (as opposed to pragmatic and realistic) I was nervous about it. And to my absolute delight, I enjoyed it much more than I anticipated. I felt like I was understanding how the world works, how people work. Which sounds silly and naive, I know. But its the truth. You spend so long thinking of how things are and believing that this is how it should be and that it will never change. Then BAM! The realisation hits you that things can be different, or viewed differently. That things that fit your “normal” world view aren’t necessarily just crazy. What a dolt I’ve been.

I had to read a lot of Nietzsche, in particular “Twilight of the Idols”, and then “The Gay Science”. The single most illuminating thing I’ve read from them, and in recent times, is N.’s idea of the “eternal recurrence of the same”. It posits the question:

If you are to relive your life over and over again, would you still do the same things, live the same kind of life?

When I think of this concept in the context of my life, its earth-shattering. For the longest time I idealised the “rat race journey”. For me, that journey consisted of High School, followed by University, followed by Full Time Employment in a safe career choice… then what? I am on the cusp of finishing my Masters now. And the prospect of working in a job that I feel mild passion about, as opposed to crazy frenzy about, is sad. I don’t want that life. For someone who has very little care for money, and can live on very modest sums, I have no driver for improvement in an environment like that. People strive to take on more opportunities and work their way up the ladder of whatever profession they’re in. If I have neither the passion for the industry/job or a passion for money, why would I strive for success in it?

This brings me to where I am now and the choices I have to make. In some sense, I’ve already made it. Its just that I still find it hard to accept. The uncertainty of my future is startling. I have never been one to be uncertain about my future and now I find myself not knowing where I’ll be one year from now.

2014 will be one hell of a ride!

So what now?

Indeed. Good question.

Putting aside the fact that there’s still some assessments/essays to do, the question of “what next?” is inevitably before me. A few months ago I said that I’ll take some off to evaluate my situation. This is still the plan. I have no intention of whipping together a portfolio any time soon. Yesterday, as I sat at the Royal (the default Pub for Usyd Architecture students) drinking my one beer, I discussed with some friends and fellow graduates what we’d do next. I said to them the very same thing, that I needed a break. I also told them I needed to “find myself”, as corny as that sounds. I can no longer remember “enjoying” anything or “having fun”. I used to watch TV shows, and go out, and play music, but I haven’t done these things for so long I fear I have lost the ability to enjoy them. I guess there’s only one way to find out.

What else? Other than discovering new and past hobbies, I’d like to focus on the x5/PiG things. Its a great outlet for my creative energies and I have great pride in seeing these things take shape.

Okay. I love making a plan, so here’s one for the next few months.

1. Focus on x5/PiG content – videos, photos, interviews, articles, ads, etc

2. Find an easy part time job to keep me going in the meantime

3. Work on my website portfolio

4. Rediscover my passion for hobbies and recreational activities